April 28, 2004 - 11:30 a.m.
Last night, my company had a party/awards ceremony at Pressure, the bar above Bowlmor. In the end, I had a good time in spite of myself. I was mildly traumatized by the battering my self-esteem took during the awards ceremony, knowing there is no way I will ever win an award or have a speech made about me. Not in this job. And when that ordeal was over, I considered just sneaking out and skipping the party. It was a really nice day and sometimes my job gives me that old feeling of not being welcome at any table in the junior high cafeteria. But I've been here for nearly two years now, and I supppoossse there are a few people here that I like, and I guessss I should make an effort to mixxxx with them, so I stood up straight and did it. Luckily all the other gamer weirdos who make up the rest of the editorial department were there too, so I got to sort of huddle with them. And, what's this? Unlimited free pool tables and drinks? It reminded me of that song "hello mudda, hello fadda" about the kid who hates camp at first but then the sun comes out and he starts to like it. And after a few games, I found the strength to, if not mingle exactly, at least stand away from the wall and smile real smiles. And I stayed sober enough not to try humping anyone or yell "you still don't know who the fuck I am, do you?" Small victories.
